The Reading Obsession

Reviews of Fiction Books: Everything from Young Adult Romance to Crime Thrillers

One of the Worst Books I've Read This Year

Poison Princess - Kresley Cole

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Unmarked spoilers, because, frankly, it's so easily guessed that this doesn't even matter anymore.

 

Don't be fooled by the pretty dress. Or the hot guy standing behind her. Just think that he looks like a creeper, because that's what he is.

 

"But Alisa!" you cry. "Look at that hair! And that dress! And the fact that the girl's so pretty! What could possibly be wrong with that?"

 

Everything, naive reader. Every possible thing is screwed up.

 

Let me start out with this book. There's a serial killer luring all the surviving women to his house to kill them. But first, he gets their stories down. Interesting, right?

 

A girl called Evie comes in, and she begins telling her story. Still interesting?

 

Let's begin:

 

Evie is an ordinary girl- definitely not like any other bad YA novel, trying to find her place in the world. No one understands her! Nevermind the fact that she was sent to a mental institution that year and still has a loving boyfriend and a best friend. Granted, they don't know, but they're still nice to her.

 

She has special powers, and can control plant life. The only thing that's realistic is the fact that she thinks she's crazy.

 

Some kids came from the poorer side of town, and of course, the love interest is a part of this. Slowly, and by slowly, I mean in the four seconds she's seen him, they fall in love.

 

And then the apocalypse happens. After over ten chapters. And in those chapters, it's just high school romance. Even after the apocalypse, it's still just high school romance, just without the high school.

 

And now, for the actual review. This might take a while.

 

Let's see. In this book, there manages to be: predictability, really bad descriptions, misogynistic and abusive love interests, idiotic main characters, rape attempts, a love triangle, really annoying dreams, stereotypes, racism, plot holes- actually, there is no plot, brand-name dropping, the tiniest bit of world building- and just the horrible at that, slut shaming, a best friend who gets insulted at every turn, unimportant B.S. that no one but the main character cares about- and there's more. The book even managed to make tarot cards boring- and this is coming from a person who has an obsession with tarot cards and palm reading, fight scenes seem like some extremely idiotic girl's half stoned dream of violence, and it ruined Jack Daniels for you-this is why you have vodka as back up. And- guess what?- I'm reading the sequel.

 

The only thing that makes me happy is that Jackson- I'm not calling him Jack, because, apparently, that means I have the slightest inkling of like towards him- is  going to get liver cancer in the near future because of all that alcohol he's drinking. And, if this book followed the laws of realism, every girl would hate him, because he should be drunk all the time and have horrible breath.

 

Oh, Jackson can't be that bad, can he? I mean, he has an accent. And all accents make a girl go swoon. That's true, unless said accent is insulting you all the time. Or attempting to rape you, because you make him "feel things that he's never felt before". How is this even the slightest bit romantic? Answer: It's not. And I bloody hate the bloody author for bloody even thinking of bloody writing this.Yes, I substituted "bloody" for another word. He says that a woman belongs to the man, which is one of the most horrible things I can read, unless it's a romance book for a character I actually like, and I'm in an extremely happy mood. He drinks Jack Daniels at every opportunity, and even his nickname is that alcohol brand. Way to not ruin that name for me, Book.

 

Jackson's not the only horrible, though. Evie was an idiot about this. She goes around with some happy smile on her face even though the world is pretty much dead.

 

Other characters? Like her best friend? Oh, they're not important. They just get killed off after many chapters of descriptions. It's Evie's bloody best friend, and she gets insulted at every opportunity, and when the best friend actually dies? That doesn't matter; let's just forget about it.

 

The plot- if that horrible thing can even be called a plot- has more holes in it than a guilty person's alibi. Why is the world screwed up? What's causing the mutations? Why is Evie such an airhead?

 

The descriptions for interesting things are so sparse, but the stuff that no one in the bloody world cares about? Oh yes, we absolutely must hear about her precious Coach sunglasses.

 

The fight scenes? Those aren't fight scenes! Those are badly written drunken punches written by someone who thinks that tapping someone is a horrible thing to do.

 

When Evie hears about the kids coming to school, she thinks something like "But they're Cajun". Because ethnicity is such a bad thing. She sees a girl who's dressed sexily, and automatically thinks she's some sort of slut. Whatever happened to the twenty-first century?

 

I think I'll end this review by calmly stating that this was a horrible book and should only be recommended to someone if it was your worst enemy who did something horrible to you. Or if your feeling particularly sadistic towards your friends.

 

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